Take a Leap Toward Transformation - Focus On What You Actually Control

We control only one thing, and one thing only in this thing called life: our response to it. That’s it. Nothing more. And fortunately, nothing less. So, a fundamental question is, “How do we respond to life”? What is the template through which we run and process our responses? Digging deeper, where did you learn how to respond to life? Or better yet, from whom did you learn how to respond to life?

My signature philosophy is "The 1 Degree". “The 1 Degree” is the summation of our daily responses to life, all of it, the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, and the mundane and everything in between. It emphasizes the significance of daily course corrections to ensure we stay on track.

Every navigator knows being off course just one degree over time and long distances leads us far astray from our desired destination. But because one degree is so subtle, sometimes the revelation of how far off course we’ve wandered comes well after numerous opportunities and warning signs to course correct. We must know and appreciate and honor the fact that each day presents an opportunity to realign and center ourselves on the fact that we are the ones called to break the generational cycle of dysfunction in our family.

We think we’re a society of individuals, which of course is true. But we’re really a society of families, for it is from our family of origin, that initial environment into which we were born through no fault of our own, that we learn how to respond to life. As a child, especially during those formative years of ages 6 – 10, we are at the mercy of the environment and those people in that environment. We unconsciously build our “response muscles”, as I like to call them, in direct response to what we see, are exposed to, and are taught explicitly and more importantly implicitly. Like the adage says, “monkey see, monkey do”.

This is both a blessing and a curse. For even the best of parents are human, fallible, and make mistakes, passing on that which they inherited from their family of origin, both good and not so good. And unfortunately, on the other side of the spectrum are the parents who were so hurt from their childhood that they are only conduits and amplifiers of inherited dysfunction. You see, ALL families are dysfunctional, the only question is to which degree. Thus, the perpetuation of generational cycles of dysfunction.

Hurt people hurt people. And if you are one of those souls whose family of origin is steeped in heavy dysfunction your response muscles were trained and built on a warped foundation. Fortunately, this does NOT prevent us from having varying degrees of “success”. I recently spoke with a medical doctor who is smart, industrious, compassionate, and successful, with many more admirable traits, and yet, he readily acknowledges he still carries with him conspicuous vestiges of his highly dysfunctional family of origin.

So, what to do my dear friends? How do we improve our ability to respond? Start by taking the first three steps that are always and forever the basic building blocks for change and transformation. Implement the new training regimen for rebuilding your response muscles: Admit, Acknowledge, (Take) Action.

The simple process below contains the basic steps to living a transformed life:

• Admit our struggles, pain, dysfunction, pride, ego, fear, etc.
• Acknowledge that we too are conduits for inherited dysfunction and that hurt people hurt people
• Take decisive and daily action to be the generational dysfunction cycle breaker

Admitting frees us by releasing our vulnerability and recognizes that we are fallible, just like our parents or those people in our family of origin. It requires courage to release control of all those “things” and people we fruitlessly try to control, thereby making room for humility and self-awareness to blossom as we engage our shortcomings and limitations. By admitting our participation in our current circumstances and accepting responsibility for our part in where we ended up, we lay the groundwork for lasting change.

Acknowledging serves as a catalyst for growth. It’s a mindset shift toward accountability and ownership which produces freedom. True freedom is found in part in forgiving those who have hurt us by acknowledging they too were hurt and never learned to change, nor knew that freedom was possible. When we acknowledge their pain and their mental, emotional, and spiritual imprisonment it empowers us to confront our fear, pain, pride, unforgiveness, ego, etc., head-on and seek out healthful solutions proactively. This is the other side of freedom - when we acknowledge we are in control of and we are responsible for how we respond to life. This step “raises our eyes” helping us to gain clarity on our shortcomings in need of improvement, and we accept that we need help and encouragement in identifying actionable steps towards forgiveness, freedom, and peace.

Action is the final step towards transformation, and remember, it’s a life’s work! Action is where and when our intentions are translated into tangible outcomes – our healthful and empowering thoughts and spoken words are woven into, influence, and align with our daily actions. It requires courage and perseverance to step outside of our comfort zone and enact meaningful change, even when we don’t feel like it! Emotions are real, but they certainly aren’t always true. Whether it's implementing new habits, refraining from unhealthful behaviors, seeking guidance from mentors, or seeking professional help, taking action on a daily basis over time propels us towards our goals and aspirations.

"The 1 Degree" philosophy encapsulates the essence of transformation – the cumulative effect, over time, of daily course corrections towards a desired end. IT’S THE MEANS BY WHICH YOU INVEST IN YOUR FUTURE SELF. By admitting our challenges, acknowledging the need for change, and taking decisive action, we unlock the potential for growth and lasting self-improvement. So, embrace each day as an opportunity for transformation, and remember that even the smallest adjustments can lead to significant and meaningful outcomes when you play the long game.

Stand tall. Stand firm. You're worth it.

Cheers,

David