"Either Way, I Win" Mindset: A Guide to Managing Expectations in Life

Expectations can be both a guiding light and a source of disappointment in our lives. We often place heavy burdens on others, events, and ourselves, setting the stage for resentment and frustration when things don't unfold as we envisioned. However, there's a simple yet powerful mindset that can help us navigate these challenges and cultivate resilience in the face of unmet expectations: the "Either Way, I Win" mindset.

A friend once shared with me, “Expectations are resentments in waiting.” While this may be a pessimistic lens, it holds a valuable truth about the nature of expectations. When we tether our happiness and emotional well-being to specific outcomes, we set ourselves up for disappointment when reality inevitably deviates from our desires. But a life with no expectations can perpetually place us at the whim of our surroundings. So, what to do?

To help moderate the reality of expectations I developed and adopted the "Either Way, I Win" mindset as a personal philosophy. At its core, this mindset hinges on the recognition that we have control over only one aspect of our experiences: our response to them. By embracing this principle, we empower ourselves to find meaning and growth regardless of whether our expectations are met.

Consider a scenario where you have a planned interaction with someone, maybe a date, or will attend a planned event like a family vacation. If things unfold according to your expectations, that's great and you should always enjoy and or celebrate victories no matter how big or small. However, if reality diverges from your expectations and the date fell flat, or the vacation was filled with bickering, you’re rightly disappointed. This is the opportunity to apply the "Either Way, I Win" mindset to spur a shift in perspective.

Rather than succumbing to frustration, dwelling on unmet expectations, or emotionally spiraling downward for days, you can choose to see the situation as an opportunity for personal growth. Every instance where reality falls short of our expectations presents a chance to exercise resilience, adaptability, and emotional maturity - you're still winning by honing your “response muscles” and advancing your character.

Adopting the "Either Way, I Win" mindset doesn't mean denying your desires or settling for mediocrity. Instead, it encourages a shift in focus from external outcomes to internal processes. By prioritizing your response over specific outcomes, you reclaim agency over your joy and well-being, regardless of external circumstances.

Practical Strategies for Embracing the "Either Way, I Win" Mindset:

• Cultivate Self-Awareness: Take time to reflect on your expectations and how they influence your emotions and behaviors. Are they reasonable? Do you always expect life to be “perfect?” Did you play a part in the unmet result? What’s the common emotion that results when unrealistic expectations aren’t met?

• Practice Acceptance: News flash, life isn’t fair. That doesn’t mean you should always “take no for an answer.” But you can learn the discipline of embracing the reality that not everything will unfold according to your desires. Nor does acceptance mean resignation or “never”, it's about acknowledging what is and focusing on how you can respond constructively.

• Focus on Process Over Outcome: Shift your focus from the end result to the journey itself. Time takes time. T.I.M.E = Things I Must Earn. Find fulfillment in the effort you exert and the lessons you learn along the way, rather than fixating solely on the end goal. This allows us to be present and engaging during the “date” or “family vacation.” We can keep our side of the street clean and feel good about the fact we didn’t add to or influence the unmet expectation.

• Develop Resilience: Everyone gets knocked down. Most people get back up. However, learning “HOW” to get back up by viewing setbacks and disappointments as opportunities for growth leads to maturity, character, and transformation. Don’t let anger and or fear drive “how “you get back up, but rather allow humility, courage, and resolve to guide you. Cultivate resilience by reframing challenges as learning experiences and building the strength to bounce back from adversity.

• Gratitude Practice: Gratitude is not a feeling. That’s “happiness.” Gratitude is a posture. It’s a decision. It’s a way of life. Cultivate a mindset of gratitude by focusing on the blessings and opportunities present in every situation, regardless of whether it aligns with your expectations. This starts in the morning, runs all day, and ends at night as you reflect on the day. This is a classic case of building your response muscles in preparation for the next “knock down.”

The "Either Way, I Win" mindset invites us to adopt a more flexible and adaptive approach to life. By letting go of rigid expectations and embracing the inherent uncertainty of human experiences, we open ourselves up to a richer, more fulfilling existence. Whether things go according to plan or take an unexpected turn, we can find victory in our ability to shape our responses and grow from every encounter with which life presents us. Remember: either way, you win.